Who's in Charge of You?
I had lunch with a friend who talked about job issues. It’s home-based work supporting technicians who make repairs, so there’s trouble-shooting along with procedures that need to be shared. It’s stressful. And time has been cut from the call process. It used to be that there were 3 minutes between calls to finish up notes/ reports and take a breath before the next call or email comes in. Now that time is shorter, and the job is less manageable.
My response was to teach the Cool Exhale. It can calm the nervous system in a few breaths, allowing the body and mind to reset before the next onslaught. My friend’s response to that was that it’s the company’s responsibility to recognize that the timeframe isn’t workable for employees and create a system that works better. To which I replied, “Your sanity is worth more than that.”
It's my job . . .
There was definitely a time in my life when I thought complaining about “the system” was useful, but I’ve learned that taking care of myself is far more important than waiting for any systemic reform to make my life work better. It’s my responsibility to show up ready to do a job, and it’s my job to get it done. Carrying that out so it’s easy on my body and mind is my choice. I’ve spent as many years as I want bound by tension and reaction. I’d rather be in charge of my own time and space.
How to accomplish that is the eternal question. People tell me that, since I run my own business, I can make my own schedule. It would be nice if it worked that way, but it doesn’t. I’m bound by when students are available and by the timing of classes I offer. In order to pay for my teaching space, I need to teach, so maintaining a schedule is not optional. All that makes it feel pretty much like any other job.
So, let me tell you what I’ve learned from the Alexander Technique!
First, I’m entitled to take up my own space.
That seems like an odd lesson, but every time I teach it, the student shows a level of discomfort. It seems so simple, but allowing yourself to be as tall and wide as your bone structure allows isn’t the way most people sit or stand (or walk or project themselves). It’s not about puffing yourself up, it’s just about occupying your own space.
Allowing length and width in the body creates a sense of ease rather than holding. I don't need to pull my football player shoulders in, I don't need to hold my belly tight. I don't need to push my ribcage forward or hunch my shoulders. I can simply allow my back to lengthen and widen so that my head balances with arms and legs extending out from a supportive torso.
Second, I can practice non-judgmental awareness.
This is part of the first lesson and always brings an interesting look on a student’s face.
We are so used to focusing on our flaws. Some show their shame, and others make jokes.
What if we don’t see these features as flaws? What if they are just habits, and there is a possibility of doing things a different way? Learning to look at how we do things in an objective way is a challenge at first, but after a number of lessons students usually tell me they are noticing all sorts of new things. My typical response is that the new part is the awareness. The habits have probably been there a long time.
Third, there’s always a choice.
When I was first introduced to this concept, I balked. There are definitely some things that are must dos. The answer to that was, “then you have a choice about your attitude”.
That brought me up short.
In reality, the only control we really have in the world is over our reaction to a situation. When I realized that and started practicing it, I decided that the sarcastic, negative way I looked at people and situations simply had to go. I couldn’t control those things and myself at the same time, and I definitely liked life more when I controlled myself. I really enjoy not being upset by so many things. It takes so much energy that I could use for something more productive.
I have to say that this has freed me nearly as much as the posture work associated with the Alexander Technique. Between the habits of body and habits of mind, there’s a lot to think about, but the bottom line is that I am in charge of myself and free to decide how each day should go. Sometimes a situation is less than ideal, but what happens after that is something I have a say about.
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Here's the Cool Exhale if you would like a quick reset. It's the most simple breathing technique I know—almost not a technique. Just exhale and let the air come back in.
I teach classes and lessons. If you're interested, email me or call me at 712-292-2882 and leave a message. I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
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