Thought Habits: Permission to Stop

It's my morning without teaching, so I generally line up some work on the home front. Today my goal was the garden, which is crying out for tidying. To keep me working longer, I like to listen to podcasts, so I chose a conversation between a historian and lawyer. They both write daily newsletters and have several books between them. In addition there are families and homes to maintain. Everyone expected a lively discussion of historical context for current events, but do you know what they began with? Knitting. Both are avid knitters, so they started with inspirations, patterns, and stitches before deciding that the rest of us were more interested in their other insights.

Both complained that the current state of politics doesn't leave them much time to knit, but

what struck me is the importance of that task in their very busy lives. I know one of them spends quite a bit of time on the water as well. As they wrapped up their discussion, one asked for advice on book tours. The other commented that meeting the people and discussing the book was wonderful fun, but time was always getting away from them so that exercise and eating were significant challenges.

For years my habit was to get as much work done as possible, then stop to rest. Sometimes I would even take home work or work late to "get caught up" so I could be ahead of the curve. As I look back, it's interesting to see how this pattern worked. In reality, there is no getting ahead. I am a teacher, so preparing is essential to my work, but there is no real concept of "getting ahead", though "getting caught up" is sometimes necessary. Every time I teach a lesson I need to plan another one. It's a wheel that never stops.

In my younger years I fell into the complaining trap: there's so much to do, I'm feeling overwhelmed, how can I get it done, why am I doing this? We've all heard people with this thought habit. I've heard people say they don't have time to stop—there's too much to do! Yesterday I read the lyrics of a song posted by a friend about how tough life is now, wondering if it was worth it. It strikes me as a cry for help: PLEASE GIVE ME PERMISSION TO CARE FOR MYSELF. PLEASE LET IT BE OK TO STOP FOR AWHILE.

It's draining to think these thoughts and heart-rending to hear someone voice them.

The current buzzword is "self care", and there are many gurus who preach various ideas for self-care practice. I suppose I've become one of them. The concept is solid, and most of us have practiced some form of self-care for years. We each have our favorite way to power down, and most of us don't want someone telling us how to relax—or how to take care of ourselves.

At the heart of it is probably a defense mechanism: of course I know how this works. I relax after work by reading, streaming a favorite show, taking a walk, cooking, having a drink, catching up with friends or family. Some may exercise, meditate, or do some sort of bodywork. Some use a device to remind them to stand or walk for a short part of every hour. Everyone has a system, and it seems to work fine.

Or does it? We really admire the people who say they do these things regularly. But that's the hard part: regular practice.

As I've learned more about how the nervous system works, I have come to understand that the feeling of overwhelm is caused by layers of experiences and reactions. Letting go of one layer of built-up tension paves the way for the next layer. We could talk about hormone reactions in the body, build-up of cortisol and tightening of muscles, but the basic idea is that all of this happens to busy people. Given this inevitable build-up during each day, it makes sense to build in brief stops along the way. Though there is a bit of planning involved, it really requires permission.

The truth of the matter is this: lots of things work to create that mind and body break. Some things work better than others, but starting with something and sticking with it is what matters. Perhaps understanding that the body and mind need regular rest will get you started.

Here are a few resources to help.

Midweek Pause

A YouTube channel with a weekly check-in to help take away a layer of tension during the work day.

AT&Me

A rather new FaceBook page to keep you thinking. You can't take care of anything else if you don't take care of yourself.

The Constructive Rest Club

A brand new FaceBook (and Instagram) page to spread the word about the usefulness of the Alexander Technique semi-supine practice. I'm looking forward to seeing what develops.